Saphroneth's smaller snippets

... I think that was just said because 'crack fic premise done immersively and well' is something Saphroneth has quite a lot of practice/skill at.

"No," Vader replied. "I recognize the signs of this. I want nothing to do with it."

He shook his head. "Nothing whatsoever."

Smart man. Jar Jar is an indestructible natural disaster.

So far as I'm aware, that's not canon in either Disney or Legends.

What exactly do you call someone incredibly powerful in the force with zero force sensitivity? Man is just flailing to victory.

Smart man. Jar Jar is an indestructible natural disaster.

What exactly do you call someone incredibly powerful in the force with zero force sensitivity? Man is just flailing to victory.

So he's like the Force equivalent of a rhino? All that muscle and no real direction, and anyone in the path to the destination is screwed.
...that made sense when I started this post; hopefully it does actually make sense and I'm just tired.

...My crack headcanon that the Disney Canon as a whole is the Force's best attempt at fixing history after a Time Crash that completely shattered the timeline like glass just keeps feeling more and more believable.

So that what happens when Skywalker meets Jarjar brinks

What exactly do you call someone incredibly powerful in the force with zero force sensitivity? Man is just flailing to victory.

I see him being the reverse, very little force power, but able to tap the force version of drunken Kung fu/enlighted zen/Ultra instinct. Jar jar could not lift a pebble with the force, but if a avalanche is needed, he knows how to kick the pebble.

Power is nothing compared to skill.

but if a avalanche is needed, he knows how to will, by accident and sheer luck, kick the right pebble.

Fixed it for greater truth and precision.

So he's like the Force equivalent of a rhino? All that muscle and no real direction, and anyone in the path to the destination is screwed.
...that made sense when I started this post; hopefully it does actually make sense and I'm just tired.

A stampede certainly makes sense for all the destruction he causes, lol.

Fixed it for greater truth and precision.

...Huh. I guess it would just be called "lucky". He's got the Luck of the Force.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5MIhBsB50M

This seems like something Sath might want to do their own take on. Because putting the negotiator in the same room of a politician seems like it could give a Sith lord waiting for a fight to the death, major blue balls.

"Get help," Palpatine said. "You're no match for him. He's a Sith Lord."

Obi-Wan turned to look at the Chancellor. "...yes?" he said. "But he's also something else – something I'm surprised you've forgotten."

"What?" Palpatine asked.

"A politician," Obi-Wan replied, turning back to Dooku.

Anakin groaned, then sat down.

"Here we go," he said.

Palpatine blinked, looking from Anakin to Obi-Wan.

"...what do you mean, Anakin?" he asked.

"This happens sometimes," Anakin replied. "How do you think he got his nickname?"

"Count," Obi-Wan said, at about the same time. "It's occurred to me that I never actually found out what the Confederacy wants."

"Isn't it a little late for this?" Dooku asked. "We have been at war for several years."

"True," Obi-Wan conceded, readily. "The war having started on Geonosis, because of tracing back your clone army which we… appear to have appropriated, mostly because you did it in our name. But that's how the war started – not your objectives."

Dooku was silent for a moment.

"I assume some semblance of a point will be emerging," he said, eventually. "If you could be so kind as to provide it?"

"Wars begin for all sorts of reasons," Obi-Wan replied. "But how they end… they end because a mutual settlement has been reached. And it's occurred to me that I don't know what you'd want out of a victory."

He spread his hand, the one not holding the – unlit – saber. "It's not the conquest of the Republic, I can tell that much. If the CIS annexed the Republic, what you'd have would still be the Republic, just under a different name… it's not the Republic without the corruption that's been causing it problems, because most of the corruption in the Republic was – was – the big industrial concerns like the Techno Union, Commerce Guild, Trade Federation. But you seem to have taken all of those off our hands, and they provide essentially your entire military so I don't think anyone else could honestly believe that either."

"I wouldn't expect a Jedi to understand," Dooku replied. "The Confederacy's member systems have concerns relating to over-centralization."

Obi-Wan stared at him for a long moment.

"...no they don't," he said.

"I hardly think you can have earned your reputation as a negotiator, Kenobi, if you are so willing to be insulting," Dooku said, archly.

"That's not what I mean," Obi-Wan replied. "I mean… yes, now the Republic has an army, though really it's actually the Jedi's army and we're simply letting them borrow it, but four years ago the Galactic Republic was proverbially incapable of doing anything. It took emergency powers for the Chancellor to get the Republic to authorize having any kind of military whatsoever – and the only one available was the one you ordered. That's not over-centralization."

He drummed his fingers on his 'saber. "And I note that I overheard Nute Gunray insisting on the head of Senator Amidala – literally, in those words – as his price for signing a treaty. But I still haven't heard an actual answer. What does the Galaxy look like if the Confederacy wins?"

Dooku frowned, and after about three seconds Obi-Wan glanced at the Chancellor.

"Didn't you discuss this at any point, your excellency?" he asked. "Count Dooku doesn't seem to have thought about this."

Palpatine blinked.

"...he's a Sith Lord," he repeated. "Shouldn't you be fighting him?"

"It's called diplomacy, Chancellor," Obi-Wan replied, before returning his attention to Dooku. "Grandmaster, are you seriously telling me that you never thought about what you would do if you won?"

Anakin checked his comlink, for the time, then the ship trembled slightly.

"Artoo?" he asked. "Can you tell those ships outside to stop shooting at us and give us a wide berth? This could take hours and I don't want to find out if my name's literal."

"Hours?" Palpatine repeated.

"He's rolling," Anakin replied, rolling his eyes. "Like I say, I'm used to this."

He rummaged in a pocket of his robes, taking out a miniature toolkit, and began disassembling his lightsaber. "I'm pretty sure I can retune these crystals to give two stable configurations which it'll snap between, that should give me a length toggle instead of a single adjustable length…"

"Are you taking your lightsaber apart?" Palpatine hissed. "What if you need to fight?"

"It's okay, Chancellor, I'll get about five minutes' warning if the negotiations are going downhill," Anakin replied. "That should be time to put it back together again…"

Palpatine looked up to Obi-Wan, who – sure enough – was still going.

"...of course, a separate but related issue is what it's going to be like afterwards," Obi-Wan said. "In principle the Republic and the Jedi Order could probably accept the existence of Sith so long as we actually knew who they were and they weren't trying to destroy us. It's the fact that the first Sith we met in a thousand years tried to run Anakin over and cut Qui-Gon's head off as an opening move that's soured us towards them a bit… but are you really going to be content as someone whose whole job is to die for Sidious?"

Dooku stared at Obi-Wan, baffled, then glanced at Palpatine and Anakin.

"What do you mean?" he asked, forcing his gaze back to Obi-Wan.

"Sidious is your Master, we know that much," Obi-Wan replied. "Partly because you told me yourself. But has he ever put himself in danger? Or has it all been you dealing with Jedi like myself and my apprentice? Putting yourself out there, in danger, while you do exactly what he says?"

He smiled slightly. "A Jedi would accept that, but you're a Sith – you've said so yourself. Sith are self-interested. What do you think your new master is getting out of the situation? Because if you don't know, it's got to be something and it's probably something he doesn't want to tell you."

"My master is quite willing to put himself in danger," Dooku said, then clamped his lips shut at a frantic mouthed shut up from Palpatine.

"Real or feigned?" Obi-Wan asked. "Do you think he wouldn't manipulate you? He's been doing it to everyone else – you've said it."

Dooku's brow furrowed.

"But we're getting off topic," Obi-Wan said, turning to look at Palpatine. "Chancellor, what about this as a starting point? Your emergency powers were granted to resolve the crisis, and I'm sure you want to abandon them as soon as possible… so why not take away the whole reason why the individual systems in the Confederacy had problems with the Republic to begin with? Freely allow the departure of any system which wishes to do so, under the emergency powers legislation; enact a progressive tax, one which hits the Core worlds harder owing to their greater ability to pay, to sustain a carrier based navy able to hunt pirates more effectively than conduct occupations or orbital bombardment, and have the navy established on a sector-federal two-level model?"

Palpatine stared at Obi-Wan for at least ten seconds.

"...he's a Sith Lord," he said, yet again.

"Oh, shut up," Dooku replied. "You're a Sith Lord and I don't see you doing anything constructive."

Obi-Wan glanced at Palpatine.

"...you know," he began. "I'm quite sure you'd need to note that on your financial disclosure forms, your Excellency."

He turned sideways, so he could see both Dooku and Palpatine at the same time. "What was the point of this whole abduction, anyway?"

"As it happens, I was supposed to kill you," Dooku said. "It's the only way to turn Anakin to the Dark Side, if you're out of the way."

"Huh?" Anakin asked. "Is something up? I've almost got the crystals realigned."

"This plan looked a lot better this morning," Palpatine muttered.

Wow. When you pull out all the drama the movies do feel pretty silly. This makes total sense though. Why wouldn't they just talk it out?

This made me laugh. Thanks!

Why wouldn't they just talk it out?

Because "they" were both Palpatine. Sidious via Dooku leading the Confederacy and Palpatine via the Senate leading the Republic.

Dooku seems to have had it out for the Jedi so he wouldn't want the war to end without tearing down the order

Which is one reason I had Obi-Wan's diplomacy check-in on the ever popular "your master is probably aiming for your death".

once again proving that clear and effective communication is among the rarest and most potent of superpowers

"This plan looked a lot better this morning," Palpatine muttered.

Palpatine then exploded.

And then, somehow, returned.

"This happens sometimes," Anakin replied. "How do you think he got his nickname?"

I would 100% read a full-length story where Obi-Wan actually got to flex his Negotiator title and just talked circles around everybody. The persistence form in both lightsaber battles and negotiations.

From that perspective, he and Anakin really do make a a good carrot-and-stick, shield-and-spear combination. You can either deal with reasonable, erudite, composed Master Kenobi, or he's "forced" to "stop holding Anakin back" and "regretfully resort to conflict". You can't get through Kenobi's perfect defense, and he just wears you down for Anakin's offense to run you over.

A thought: what if a decent portion of Anakin's "aggression" was him and Obi-Wan deliberately playing up the good-cop/bad-cop personas?

I would 100% read a full-length story where Obi-Wan actually got to flex his Negotiator title and just talked circles around everybody. The persistence form in both lightsaber battles and negotiations.

From that perspective, he and Anakin really do make a a good carrot-and-stick, shield-and-spear combination. You can either deal with reasonable, erudite, composed Master Kenobi, or he's "forced" to "stop holding Anakin back" and "regretfully resort to conflict". You can't get through Kenobi's perfect defense, and he just wears you down for Anakin's offense to run you over.

A thought: what if a decent portion of Anakin's "aggression" was him and Obi-Wan deliberately playing up the good-cop/bad-cop personas?

Be especially fun if Palpy never catches on to it.

Which is one reason I had Obi-Wan's diplomacy check-in on the ever popular "your master is probably aiming for your death".

My post led to a snippet, I am doing a victory dance mentally.

But yeah, I have no clue what the csi platform is, it composed of post capitalism that ruled the republic, slavers (which were not actually welcome even if they were doing things about it) Hutts were no ally of it.

What exactly is their plank, here join the slavers and the people who want to sell your organs,

So far as I can tell, the CIS program is actually surprisingly realistic - if distressing - since it basically amounts to waving vaguely at whatever the listener thinks is a problem and then blaming Someone Else for that problem.

Of course, Dooku can't say that, not least because part of what Obi-Wan is asking about is what Dooku considers a victory to look like.

So far as I can tell, the CIS program is actually surprisingly realistic - if distressing - since it basically amounts to waving vaguely at whatever the listener thinks is a problem and then blaming Someone Else for that problem.

Of course, Dooku can't say that, not least because part of what Obi-Wan is asking about is what Dooku considers a victory to look like.

He also can't say "my goal in the war was to get my Master into a position of supreme power by either being a force strong enough to get you to grant him sufficient powers, or just being strong enough to take over flat out."

I would 100% read a full-length story where Obi-Wan actually got to flex his Negotiator title and just talked circles around everybody. The persistence form in both lightsaber battles and negotiations

Supreme Chancellor Obi Wan is kind of based on Obi Wan passing rep tests he really did not want to.

So far as I can tell, the CIS program is actually surprisingly realistic - if distressing - since it basically amounts to waving vaguely at whatever the listener thinks is a problem and then blaming Someone Else for that problem.

Of course, Dooku can't say that, not least because part of what Obi-Wan is asking about is what Dooku considers a victory to look like.

The bane of every revolutionary and elected politician, the practicalities part. Even if they genuinely intend for their plateform and have good intentions, which is more often than one might think, things get messy.

"Oh, shut up," Dooku replied. "You're a Sith Lord and I don't see you doing anything constructive."

He single-handedly defeated Maul and Savage, "freeing" Mandalore from their clutches... Obi-wan might even appreciate it, after a fashion.

According to the novelisation of ROTS dooku was meant to be captured and allowed to retire

Yeah, Dooku not a very good Sith if he trusts that.

Good premise nice story but the russan reformations prevent any Jedi holding public office

Considering the state of norms and rule of law in the clone wars, that law could of been vetoed.

Paladin: What, did you think I maxed Charisma just for the smite buffs? Diplomacy rules.

I don't want to find out if my name's literal."

Come to think of it why do jedi/sith never use their telekinetic powers to fly? Or levitate? Or do that trick of riding a thing they are holding up?

"Oh, shut up," Dooku replied. "You're a Sith Lord and I don't see you doing anything constructive."

And thus the apprentice betrays the master, as is right and proper.