Another Clockwork Iris (short story)

Another Clockwork Iris was twelfth and final story in A Clockwork Iris.

Summary[[edit] | [edit source]]

Iris Wildthyme and Panda take an unexpected detour on their way to a Christmas party and battle against the Master confectioner.

Plot[[edit] | [edit source]]

Due to a faulty "trans-dimensional doo-hickey", Iris Wildthyme and Panda are forced to travel by road in the Celestial Omnibus as they plan to attend Thomas Daley's Christmas Eve party. Panda annoys Iris by passing wind after devouring a chicken jalfrezi takeaway. Suddenly a portal into the time vortex opens up within the bus and the pair are dragged through into a snowy landscape.

They encounter two warring factions: soldiers under the command of Scouse King Terry and a Gingerbread army led by Captain Angus McTavish. An old man who identifies himself as Herr Drosselmeyr dismisses the Gingerbread army and, without anyone to fight, Terry orders his men to the pub. Drosselmeyr reveals his interest in Iris' Gallifreyan DNA and stops Panda's protests by binding him in strawberry laces and gagging him with a marshmallow. Drosselmeyr puts Iris under a spell which causes her to dance and begins pricking her with a needle which leads to the creation of several identical clockwork Irises who Drosselmeyr calls his Sugarplum Faries.

Terry returns with his army and tries to defend Iris, but Drosselmeyr summons his Gingerbread army again. Iris tries to reason with McTavish who expresses his regret but says that Drosselmeyr's power over them is too strong. McTavish reveals that the only thing that can stop Drosselmeyr is salt. Panda, who had chewed his way through his restraints, reveals that he still has some leftover takeaway and passes it to Iris. Iris drenches Drosselmeyr in the curry and he melts. Panda finds a remote control which opens the vortex portal back to the bus. Terry and his soldiers accept Iris' offer to return to the real world, but McTavish and his Gingerbread army decide to remain in Drosselmeyr's domain to look after the Sugarplum Faries. Back on the bus Iris decides to give Tom's party a miss in order to get Terry and his soldiers back home to Liverpool for Christmas, and Panda agrees on the condition that they stop for another takeaway.

Characters[[edit] | [edit source]]

• Iris Wildthyme
• Panda
• Terry
• Captain Angus McTavish
• Herr Drosselmeyr

Worldbuilding[[edit] | [edit source]]

• Tom runs a bedsit in Baron's Court.
• Angus McTavish is of the Royal Icing Dragoons.
• Iris is one of the last of her kind. Drosselmeyr considered her to be an easier target than "you know who".

Notes[[edit] | [edit source]]

• The incarnation of Iris seen in this story was ginger.

Continuity[[edit] | [edit source]]

to be added