Cut Himself Shaving - TV Tropes

"Alex didn't really kill himself. He cut himself shaving. He had really hairy wrists."

• Ayakashi Triangle: Matsuri talks to Suzu's supernaturally-ignorant brother after being injured in battle and hesitantly claims he was a bike accident.
• In Bleach, the character Uryu Ishida once explains his injuries from a fight with hollows to a classroom by falling down stairs. To hang a lampshade on this, the class believes he's lying.
• In Blue Exorcist, Rin uses 'fell down the stairs' as his excuse for bruises he received in a fight. It gets funny when he attempts to explain his nosebleed.

  Rin: I landed on an insanely hot babe.

• In Change 123, a student fights with a kunoichi whose weapon of choice is a bunch of sharpened keys on a wire (sort of a disguised rope dart). These keys leave a serious wound on the student's leg, but in the school infirmary she tells the nurse that she accidentally cut herself with her own keys. The nurse doesn't buy this story (knowing that normal keys don't leave wounds like this), but pretends to accept it as she is also a kunoichi, from the same clan as the perpetrator, and has recognized her colleague's modus operandi.
• In Fushigi Yuugi, Miaka notices a suspicious cut on Yui's wrist and asks her about it. Yui casually explains it (at first) as a minor injury she sustained upon entering the book. Later, it's revealed that she did that deliberately because she had been attacked and believed she had been raped.
• Ga-Rei -Zero-: Kagura explains a large cut on her thigh (inflicted by a spirit armed with her katana) as her "walking through some glass".
• The titular character of Loveless uses the "fell down stairs" excuse to cover for one of the many times his mother attempted to murder him.
• Medabots: Henry used that excuse to justify an injury he got as the Phantom Renegade. It worked despite the injury being on his forehead.
• In Monster (1994), when Dr. Tenma finds Dieter on the floor screaming in pain, his legal guardian claims that he fell while standing on a chair. This excuse works for all but thirty seconds before Tenma lifts the boy's shirt and discovers that he is covered with scars. It takes less than ten seconds for Tenma to call bullshit on the guardian's "the ambulance is coming, you can leave now" spiel.
• Ryouhei from Reborn! (2004) tells his sister that he is participating in a boxing tournament whenever she sees him and his friends fighting when it is glaringly obvious that both sides of the fight have every intention to kill and all kinds of dangerous weapons.
• Sakura Gari:
  • Masataka explains away the burn mark on his hand that he got from when Katsuragi put his hand in boiling hot tea with "I got these burns when I was helping out in the kitchen because I was careless with the hot water."
  • Earlier, when one of the maids catches him holding a knife unusually close to his throat, he claims to be sharpening his pencil. He's a student, so she believes him. We later discover that she does know that Souma has been raping him, however.
• Satou Kashi no Dangan wa Uchinukenai: Since the day she transferred, Umino had been saying she was a mermaid. Nagisa does not believe her nonsense but one day questions her on the bruises on her body. In true Umino fashion she states that they're due to the pollution in the sea. It's really due to her dad's beatings.
• Subverted/parodied in Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei. Everyone assumes that Kobushi Abiru is a victim of domestic violence, and her name is even read as "a flurry of punches", used in the context of said abuse. However, her injuries actually stem from her being attacked by animals after pulling their tails.
• Yuu of Seraph of the End gets into a fight with the equally Hot-Blooded Kimizuki. When Yoichi asks him why his face is all bruised up Yuu responds that he walked into a telephone pole.
• Yuuta from Shishunki Bitter Change is stuck in the body of his elementary classmate, Yui. One day she slapped him and when Yui's mom asked he said he hit a door.
• SPY×FAMILY: After busting a smuggling ring, Loid shows up late for his first date with Yor with blood dripping down his face. His lame excuse to the other party-goers is that he was attacked by a criminally violent patient at his work as a psychiatrist.
• In the first episode of Stars Align, Maki gets physically assaulted by his abusive father while his mother is at work. When a teacher asks about the bruise on his cheek, Maki lies and that says that he fell out of bed.
• Parodied in the Hilarious Outtakes of Texhnolyze. In a "child-safe" redub of a gang fight, mooks exclaim things like "Ow, bee sting!" and "cut myself shaving" as they get shot.
• In Yamada-kun and the Seven Witches, when the girls in Hikaru's class ask him why he has a huge bruise on his cheek (from Tacchan punching him), he lies that he fell. Subverted in that the girls actually believe him.

• Gordon from For Better or for Worse shows up at school one day with a bandage on his cheek. He claims he fell while helping take down the Christmas lights. Michael is very suspicious because his family went to their house for Christmas and they hadn't put up any lights.

• Safranek from Cat City must do this all the time, as his boss brutally injures him for every mistake he makes, and pretends not to know about it subsequently.

  Top Cat: Not another accident? Oh dear. What happened to you this time, Safranek?
  Safranek: [gulps] I cut myself shaving, sir.
  Top Cat: But, your hand!
  Safranek: That's what I was shaving with, sir.

• While using a public restroom a man notices his neighbor emitting three streams while urinating. Curious, he asks, how did he sustain that injury, to which the other guy reluctantly mutters "War, landmine shrapnels...". Later the man at a different public restroom notices his neighbor peeing like he has a sprinkler from a watering can for his junk. With compassion he asks him: "War? Landmine? Shrapnels?" to which the other guy grumpily replies: "Fuck no, zipper on my fly."

• An April Fool's issue of Dragon shows off the Wandering Damage Tables (since the whole purpose of wandering monsters is to inflict damage points on player characters anyway, why not just eliminate the middleman!). One entry read: "You cut yourself shaving. Roll on the Limb Loss subtable."

• An unfortunate rendering of Zechariah 13:6 from The Bible in The Message translation makes the verse come off as this. (Contextually, it's talking about someone being chastised for proclaiming to be a prophet when he really isn't.)

  And if someone says, 'And so where did you get that black eye?' they'll say, 'I ran into a door at a friend's house.'

• In The Broken Jug (Der zerbrochne Krug) by Heinrich von Kleist, Judge Adam explains his badly wounded head by having stumbled and fallen when standing up from the bed. In fact, he got hit on the head by the fiancé of a young woman he tried to blackmail into having sex with him.
• In Little Shop of Horrors, Seymour's excuse for having Band-Aids on all ten of his fingers (which he is cutting to feed Audrey Two): "Seems like every time I pick up pruning shears, I slip."
• Woyzeck: Woyzeck goes to the tavern after stabbing Marie to death. When blood is spotted on his hand, he claims to have cut himself there. Then how did it get on his elbow? He lamely tries to explain, but the crowd has caught on.

• The prologue of Baldur's Gate features tutors of the character coming up to the character shortly after assassination attempts. The player can choose to be frightened and honest, or dismissive and evasive.

  "It's nothing, Parda. A — cat didn't like me petting it, is all."

• In Batman: The Telltale Series, Bruce Wayne can use this if he shows up with signs of injury, even when it comes to injuries that would be really hard to explain away as shaving, such as an Ear Notch. It’s highly unlikely that Gordon believed the excuse.

  Gordon: What'd you use, a chainsaw?

• The Black Mirror: In Black Mirror 2, the protagonist notices a waitress with bruises on her face. When he asks her about it, she says "she fell down the stairs". Darren, being who he is, responds with "And your husband was waiting at the end of the staircase with a baseball bat?"
• An odd case from Dragon Age: Inquisition's The Descent DLC. Renn is a member of the Legion of the Dead, a group of dwarves dedicated to fighting the darkspawn until they draw their last breath. Such an occupation means injuries are to be suspected, but when Renn's friend Shaper Valta asks about a new scar on his nose, Renn answers evasively. (This probably has more to do with their relationship than anything else.)
• Near the beginning of Fahrenheit, the main protagonist cuts a number of deep wounds into his wrist while in a trance. When asked by a police officer why there was screaming heard from his apartment the previous night how he incurred these wounds, he claimed that he fell on some broken glass and "freaked out".

  Cop: Boy, when you cut yourself, you sure go all the way, huh?

• In Jade Empire, Kang the Mad wants to escape his employer Gao the Greater and suggests that you arrange for Gao to "fall down a flight of punches".
• Knights of the Old Republic: One gag theory trying to explain Darth Malak's missing jaw claims that he cut himself while shaving WITH A LIGHTSABER!
• Referenced by name in Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, after the overconfident Sundowner is diced by Raiden and calls Sam to warn him that Raiden is still alive.

  Sam: Cut yourself shaving?
  Sundowner: Asshole. He's good... Real good... You knew this would happen, didn't you?

• During the Inn of Evil side quest in Rakenzarn Tales, the innkeeper will claim he injured himself in regard to several bloodstains around the place. It's to cover that these were wounds inflicted upon the people who were eaten by his giant insect hordes.
• During the RuneScape saga Three's Company, this is how Sir Owen claims he got his massive facial scar. Ozan sarcastically remarks if he shaves with a dragon.
• In Tropico 3, whenever you mark a citizen to be "dealt with", Juanito the radio announcer says that they "slipped and fell out of a 3rd floor window, landed on the street and got run over by both an ambulance and a hearse". Not a single drop in approval rating.

• In Fate/stay night, Sakura apparently often tries to explain her suspicious bruises (courtesy of her brother) this way. Shirou, at least once, beat the ever-loving crap out of Shinji for it. He's not stupid. He's seriously pondering doing it again. Although the incident where Shirou asks Sakura about her bruises early in the game is used to help establish Shinji's character, it is also a Cassandra Truth: these specific bruises weren't inflicted by Shinji. They're Sakura's still-forming Command Seals, which look like a formless red mark all up and down the arm until a Servant is actually summoned.
• In Higurashi: When They Cry, Satoko tries to explain some of the results of her uncle's abuse this way.

• At one point in 8-Bit Theater, Black Mage gets fed up with Fighter and stabs Fighter an inordinate number of times. When another character asks Black Mage what happened to Fighter, Black Mage says that Fighter tripped and accidentally fell on his knife. The incredulous questioner asks Black Mage how Fighter managed to do that forty-seven times.
• In The Adventures of Dr. McNinja, the Doc and Gordito use this excuse after Gordito learns of Dr. McNinja's trained waking reflexes.
• Inverted beautifully in this Ansem Retort strip.
• In Bigger Than Cheeses, one character gets beaten by his wife and tries to tell his friend:

  I fell down some stairs. Stairs filled with doorknobs. Doorknobs shaped like fists?

• In Bob and George, this is used after a plot device revives dead characters in the Rockman Universe. Bob tells Rock and Dr. Light that they fell down. Rock then questions if Roll fell up, as she's tied to the ceiling. Bob responses that he put her up there to prevent her from falling down.
• Bug Martini once postulates that people whose spouses really do get black eyes from running into doors might have to claim that those spouses were evil enough to be worth abusing.
• In Darths & Droids, the alien Tion Medon's ghastly facial features are explained away as a "shaving accident".
• Jupiter-Men: After showing up to his own birthday party with bandages around his waist and a hole burned in his shirt from taking an Elemental Punch, Arrio explains it away as a fryer accident from work when asked about it.
• Least I Could Do:
  • Rayne has slept with a blonde who's into rough sex, and goes to his mother for comfort:
  • Defied later on:

    Rayne: I fell down some stairs.
    Noel: No he didn't. I beat the shit out of him with a smile on my face.

• Parodied in this strip of Looking for Group. Richard lights a pirate on fire. When the captain asks him what happened, he (and the pirate) swear that the third-degree burns came from a fall down the stairs.
• Subverted in Questionable Content when Hannelore really does just bump her head. The officer has good reason to be concerned, though.

  Hannelore: No, no! I'm fine, really! I don't need to go to the police station!
  Dora: C'mon, officer, you're just freakin' her out more. She really did hit her head.
  Officer: Ma'am, this young lady just ran down Main Street covered in blood and screaming. That's normally the kind of thing that arouses suspicion.

• Sam & Fuzzy: Noosehead's manager claims that he cut himself shaving with a katana.

• Dragon Ball Z Abridged: When Goku asks Vegeta how he got injured on Namek, Vegeta is too proud to admit that he's been losing the fight against Recoome (who Goku's just KO'd with one punch and who's now lying on the ground with his exposed ass sticking up, cutting an utterly ridiculous figure). He blanks on a plausible excuse, so Ghost Nappa suggests "You fell down some stairs." When Krillin tries to correct him, Vegeta threatens to "throw [him] down a flight".
• In the zombie parody Dusk of the Dead, a survivor has a conversation with a bitten person that goes something like this:

  "That's a pretty nasty cut."
  "I fell"
  "But it has puncture wounds"
  "I fell on a barbecue fork"
  "But it has lots of puncture wounds"
  "I fell on... several barbecue forks?"

• In the Father Tucker short "Truly He Has Risen", Father Tucker forces Jimmy to keep quiet about his molesting him, claiming that he'll go to Hell if he rats him out. Jimmy's father asks him why his ass is bleeding, to which Jimmy replies by bursting into tears and lying that he fell down the stairs.
• Game Grumps: The Grumps reference this trope in their Dennis the Menace let's-play. Because the game (such as it is) involves platforming around Mr. Wilson's house, they imagine what would happen if he completely snapped on Dennis:

  Danny: MRS. THE MENACE? DENNIS CAME OVAH TO MY HOUSE AND FELL DOWN THE STAIHS AGAIN! AGAIN!

• In the KateModern episode "Honeymoon Blues", Julia claims that the large bruise on her face was caused by a falling coconut. In reality, her husband hit her with a coconut.
• The Onion: Domestic violence has finally stopped, women are more clumsy than ever.
• Sailor Nothing:

  Sprained wrist. It's a good thing my powers aren't based on some kind of heart moon wand or something, but it does make it hard to write on school quizzes. Getting my clothes on in the morning also poses some problems, since I can't completely close my hand without shooting pain up my arm. I've taken to taping it tightly, and that helps a bit. I told mom it was a fashionable thing at school now to tape your left hand. She bought it. It's for the best that she bought it.

• SCP Foundation:
  • More than one act of violence against Dr. Clef has been written off in a manner similar to this. For instance, claiming that he slammed his head into the table nine times during an interview, or that there was an experimental attempt to terminate SCP-682 using him.

    Clef: You'll never un-think it, Konny! It'll always be back there in the back of your head, nagging, nagging, tickling you, spinning around in an unending spiral...
    Kondraki: [Inarticulate scream of rage.]
    [It is determined that this is the point where Dr. Clef accidentally fell out of his chair and struck his head nine times against the corner of the desk, fracturing his skull and snapping his neck between the second and third vertebrae.]

  • From the decommission of 809:

    11:16 Ukelele: I need suggestions for a Decom. 809 is turning into a serious security risk and needs to die.
    11:16 AgathaR: LIVING VIVISECTION
    11:16 Chris: It could 'fall down some stairs'
    11:16 Ook: Them little bugs what take apart machines?
    11:16 Chris:..repeatedly..