Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon - TV Tropes

"Locksley! I'm going to cut your heart out with a spoon!"

• Fullmetal Alchemist: Ed says some random things whenever someone hits his Berserk Button. "I'll break down your feet and stick them on your head!"
  • When he has to get an injection in Fullmetal Alchemist (2003); "I'll turn you all into fish!"
• In the western (like, cowboy) shojo manga Miriam, a crooked sheriff has the protagonists locked up on false charges. When they start complaining, he says he'll add to the charges if they don't shut up... then says he'll add things like stealing a hotel ashtray, cheating in cards, and hitting on girls in stores.
• Haruhi Suzumiya:
  • The title character managed to combine two of her chief preoccupations in this threat:

    Haruhi: Anyone accepting defeat will be punished by running 10 laps around the school! Naked! And you'll have to yell 'Green martians are chasing me' for the whole 10 laps!

  • She does it again to Kyon when she thinks he wrote an embarrassingly schmaltzy love-letter to Yuki.

    Haruhi: First, you are to leap up a wall with a dry salted fish in your mouth and fight for territory with other wild cats! And you have to wear cat ears while doing it!

  • Nearly all of the threats she makes qualify somewhat, due to being so serious and over-the-top.
• Inuyasha in the English dub:

  InuYasha (to Sesshoumaru): I'm gonna rip your guts out and put them in a bowl!

• Hellsing had a few; most from Jan Valentine.

  "I'm gonna fuck that bitch, shoot her in the head, and fuck her there!!

• Fruits Basket: Yuki tells Kakeru he'll never speak to him again, and it's only just out of his mouth when he realizes how embarrassingly childish that sounds. Fortunately, Kakeru is embarrassingly childish. Kakeru later threatens to make Yuki "walk through a red light district".
  • In the Australian version, rather than threatening Kakeru with silence, Yuji threatens to 'break up with him.' Hilarity Ensues
• Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu: when Tessa was spending some R&R in Jindai disguised as a US transfer student, Mardukas gave an ultimatum to Sousuke: if anything happens to her or he tries to take advantage of the situation by doing something dirty, he'll be loaded in the TDD-1's torpedo tube and launched. The Hungarian dub also mentions something about being thrown into the submarine's reactor until he glowed.
  • Originally, this was after threats of being forced to teach self-defense against people armed with bananas and doing the silly walk around the base.
• The English dub of Chrono Crusade uses this in the first episode, literally with a spoon after The Elder looks up her skirt. She even attempts to do it, stabbing the spoon into the ground.

  Rosette: [to The Elder] I'll kill you with this spoon!

• In one of the latest chapter of Sket Dance, Agata was threatened by Saaya's "kidnapper" that if he doesn't come within the time limit for the next puzzle, 'he'll make Saaya rap'.
• In one episode of Detective School Q, Ryu responds to some bullies threatening Megumi by knocking one to the ground and putting a metal object to his throat. After the bullies fled, Ryu revealed that the object in question was a spoon, not a knife. Megumi later notes to herself that the expression on Ryu's face made her think that he could have killed the other boy with that spoon if he had wanted to.
• In the first episode of Pani Poni Dash!, when Old Geezer's class is attempting to leave to bother the new teacher of the class next door:

  Old Geezer: You step one foot out that door and I'll be standing by your pillow every night.
  [class returns to their seats]
  Old Geezer: What a damn buncha cowards.

• Chaos;Head: the New Gen serial murderer is a literal version of this trope. Nurse Hazuki uses extremely brutal methods of killing, and the most literal comes when she uses a spoon to cut out the brain of her victim.
• Kaguya-sama: Love Is War: The Student Council boys (Shirogane and Ishigami) are listening to Kashiwagi's boyfriend (Shirogane is directly responsible for this relationship), who claims to be there asking for advice regarding continuing his relationship. His concerns seem entirely about how wonderful the summer has been and how in love they are... at which point Ishigami whispers that clearly he's really just here to gloat. Shirogane restrains him from doing something horrible with a roll of toilet paper. As the boy continues to obliviously talk and they speculate how far he went over the summer with this girl, Ishigami continues to make threatening moves with the toilet paper. Finally, he asks about Shirogane's summer (which was awful as neither he nor Kaguya were willing to reach out to communicate and thus never met), expresses surprise and pity for Shirogane's lack of dating - and it's Ishigami's turn to restrain Shirogane, who has reached an epiphany and suddenly realized what to do with the toilet paper.

• Lampshaded by Dan Cummins in one of his stand-up routines. He notes that threatening to kill your spouse would get you seen as a monster. However, threaten to do something like "uppercut your head off your body so that the blood rockets your head into the air and it gets eaten by an eagle", and no one will take it seriously.

  Dan Cummins: That joke's called "Impossible Violence is Funny."

• Vincent to Edaniel, in Bizenghast: "I am going to kill you right in the face."
• Warren Ellis seems to have a talent with these. Take this example from Planetary:

  Jakita Wagner: You're going to tell me what your problem is, or I will find a very small hole and reenact your birth.

• The View Askewniverse comics:
  • In Holiday Special, Randal urges Dante to give his catatonic ex Caitlyn a "caning", meaning to insert a candy cane into her vagina, in an attempt to break her out of her coma. It works, but she is not happy:

    Caitlyn: If I ever see you again, I'm going to shove my pointer-finger into your piss-hole, Dante Hicks!!! I'll tear your fucking scrotum off and your heart out and shove one into the other and feed them to you before you die, you sick fucking pervert!!!

  • In Walt Flanagan's Dog, Jay bursts into a string of threats when Randal calls him a "fucking junkie". Among other things, he threatens to "fucking tear off your sweaty sack and make you wear it like a fucking clown nose".
• The Sandman (1989):
  • In issue 29, a captain threatens to eat Lady Johanna Constantine's brain and shit in her skull.
  • In issue 52, the Carnifex of Aurelia threatens to pop Cluracan's eyes out with his thumbs and then piss in his sockets. A guard confirms that he's seen him do this.
• Garth Ennis tends to have his characters follow these kinds of threats by actually carrying them out.
  • Jody from Preacher threatens a Mook by saying he will "rip off yore head and have T.C. shit down the neck stump". Then he rips the guy's head off. Then T.C. shits down the neck stump.
  • Pittsy, a psychotic mobster from The Punisher MAX threatens a CIA operative by saying he'll "cut [his] balls off and put 'em in a paper cup." The agent is next seen clutching his bloody groin with one hand and holding a blood dripping paper cup in the other.
  • General Kriegkopf from the Marvel Knights Punisher run says he'll rape Frank's corpse for a year, although Frank isn't there to hear it.
• Jill, in the second Kingdom of Loathing comic: "The name's Jill. You ever call me 'baby' again, and I will personally pull your kneecaps out through your nostrils."
• Prime, formerly known as Superboy-Prime, lived up to what was by then his normal standard of Narm in an issue of Countdown to Final Crisis and delivered an iconically simple one of these to the villain Monarch.

  Prime: I'll kill you! I'll kill you to death!!

• In The Wicked + The Divine, Badb threatens to rip out Baphomet's shin bone and use it as a dildo.
• Dr. Nemesis of the X-Men is an ever-reliable source of these.

  Dr. Nemesis: Pay attention or I shall feed you to my lab.
  Dr. Nemesis: ... If you even think about telling them I said so, I'll inflict poleshift on your digestive system.
  Dr. Nemesis: Eat viral liquefaction, unethically cloned carbon-waste. I'll put my science in you! I'll put my science in all of you!

• G.I. Joe:
  • G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (Marvel):
    • In the 17th issue of the spinoff title G.I. Joe: Special Missions, Stalker threatens to pull out Saxon's tonsils through his nostrils if he ever tries to enlist the Joes to take the blame for his screw-ups again.
    • The 83rd issue of the main series has Zartan make an interesting threat to Dr. Mindbender.

      Zartan: If you ever raise your voice to me again, I will pull your tongue out through your left nostril...

  • The third issue of the Silent Option miniseries of G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (IDW) has Helix give a colorful threat to an air traffic coordinator.

    Helix: We're looking for trafficked kids. If a single hair on one of them is damaged because you delayed us, I'm coming back here...and I'm going to peel your face off and use it where the sun don't shine.

• Marvel Adventures: Spider-Man: Venom tries to coerce Spider-Man into letting him be his sidekick, but Spidey refuses. So Venom threatens to reveal his identity to the world. Spidey doesn't care. But then, Venom threatens to reveal to Aunt May the location of his secret Candy Stash. Spidey starts worrying. Finally, Venom threatens to tell Liz Allan who slipped those Secret Admirer notes into her locker during freshman year!

  Spider-Man: NO! WAIT!

• Luke Cage: Hero for Hire: After wrecking Erik Josten in a fight over the title of "Power Man", Luke delivers this threat to an unconscious Josten:

  "If you ever call yourself Power Man again... I will tattoo that name on your ribcage!"

• In the 38th issue of the Justice League Unlimited tie-in comic, an enraged Giganta threatens to make an earring out of the Flash's skull.
• Astro City: In "In the Spotlight", the battle between The Gentleman and Professor Borzoi has Borzoi threaten to crumple his carnation and mess up his hair. Though these might actually be threatening statements to a well-dressed fellow like the Gentleman.
• In the 22nd issue of Action Comics (2011), Cat Grant demands that Clark Kent smile or she'll use her stiletto to drill a hole through his shin.
• In issue 12 of the 2004 Swamp Thing series, Abigail threatens to eat her uncle Anton's eyes out of his head.
• Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): In issue #71 of the Phantom Riders arc, Mimic relays to Clutch that Sonic is involved as the Phantom Rider who has been interrupting the races. Clutch, with visibly restrained anger clutches his cane, swearing to pull out each of Sonic's quills and feed them to the hedgehog. The threat is so unnerving that Mimic is terrified.

  Clutch: I'll pull out [Sonic's] quills one by one and make him eat 'em. And when I find out who let this slip...

• Garfield:
  • In an early strip, Jon does this when he sees Garfield climbing on the drapes.
  • Another classic, Jon says that Garfield can have one bite of the roast chicken. Garfield proceeds to shove the entire chicken into his mouth at once.

    Jon: You swallow and I'll tie a knot in your neck.

  • Garfield has, on multiple occasions, threatened to remove Jon's lips. Once, he apparently made good on his threat.
  • Gafield once threatened to kick Odie into next Tuesday. He did. The Tuesday of the following week, Odie, having been absent for a week drops into the panel.
• Peanuts:
  • An angry Peppermint Patty once threatened Charlie Brown by declaring, "By golly, if I ever hit a deep drive to center field, and I round first base, and I round second base, and I round third base and I go tearing into home like a runaway freight, he'd better not be in my way!"
  • In another strip, Peppermint Patty was arguing with Thibault, a player on her sandlot baseball team:

    Patty: One more word out of you, Thibault, and I'll shred you!!
    Thibault: That's the first time in my life I've ever been threatened with a shredding!

  • In another, Peppermint Patty — again — was practicing figure skating, when some mean hockey players tried to scare her off the ice:

    Hockey Player: You wouldn't want to be hit with a hockey stick, would you, beautiful?
    Patty: How would you like to be force-fed a pair of goalie pads?!

  • Linus and Lucy arguing over him having to memorize and recite a scripture passage for a Christmas pageant:

    Linus: Who was Jeremiah? Where was Rama? Why was Rachel so upset? You can't recite something until you know the "who," the "where," and the "why"!
    Lucy: I'll tell you the "who," the "where," and the "why"! You start memorizing right now, or you'll know who is going to slug you, and you'll know where she's going to slug you, and you'll know why she slugged you!!!

  • A toned-down variant of the Christmas recital scene is used in A Charlie Brown Christmas:

    Linus: I can't memorize something like this so quickly. Why should I be put through such agony? Give me one good reason why I should memorize this.
    Lucy: [curls her fingers up into a fist] I'll give you five good reasons; One, two, three, four, five!
    Linus: Those are good reasons. Christmas is not only getting too commercial, it's getting too dangerous.

  • Lucy, when Linus won't let her watch the TV program that she wants:

    Lucy: See these five fingers? Individually they are nothing, but when I curl them together like this into a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold!

• In the Mr. Potato Head comic strip, Mr. Potato Head's daughter Julienne once reacted to her little brother Chip's latest prank by threatening to wrap him in tinfoil and take him to the beach.

• In Ratatouille, Skinner catches Linguini messing with the soup, and threatens to have him drawn and quartered, "after you take him to the duck press to squeeze the fat from his head!" Duck presses do squeeze the fat out of ducks. However, they're usually not big enough to stick a person's head in; but Linguini is obviously NOT familiar with kitchens, thus it could still be a very formidable threat. And, of course, Skinner's just going apoplectic at Linguini 'rising above his station' by fixing the soup (possibly a Kick the Dog moment to reinforce the fact that Skinner's an evil little man, bent only on dominating the frozen food market by sullying Gusteau's good name?)
  • It should also be noted that one of the chefs can apparently kill a man with his thumb. The British have it covered.
• Lilo & Stitch: Nani has been locked out of the house, and screams to Lilo that if she doesn't let her in, she's going to purée her in the blender, bake her into a pie and feed it to the social worker... just as said social worker arrives.
• In Stitch! The Movie, when Hämsterviel calls Pleakley demanding the other 624 experiments as ransom for Jumba:

  Hämsterviel: Wait for my phone call. I will then tell you the ransom exchange location, and call you many nasty names!

• Madagascar: Alex threatens Marty with "I'm going to strangle you, and bury you, and then dig you up and clone you, then I'm gonna kill all your clones, then I'm never talking to you again!"
• In Pinocchio (1940), Jiminy snarls to Lampwick "I'll take you apart and put you back together again".
• In Cars, Doc's first lines consist of ranting about how he'll throw Lightning in jail for so long the jail will rot on top of him, then build a new jail and let that one rot — considering the characters are cars and the jail is an open-air impound lot, this would be impressive, to say the least.
• Disney's Mulan:
  • "I'm gonna hit you so hard it'll make your ancestors dizzy!"
  • When Chi Fu questions Mushu disguised as an official riding a panda:

    Chi Fu: Who are you?
    Mushu: [disguised as an official] Excuse me? I think the question is, who are you? We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for this, snatch it right off your head! But I'm feeling gracious today, so carry on before I report you.

• In Ralph Bakshi's Wizards, Avatar explains to the newly-reformed Necron 99 (now renamed "Peace"), that if he betrays the party, Avatar will do something that will, "Take twenty years to kill you, and you'll be screaming for mercy in the first ten seconds."
• In The Emperor's New Groove, Yzma's initial plan to kill Kuzco is as follows:

  Yzma: I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea. Then, I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself. And when it arrives (Evil Laugh), I'LL SA-MASH IT WITH A HAMMER!

• The animated film Bébé's Kids has Robin making this humorous black-themed threat to one of the kids:

  Robin: If you don't tell me where your little brother is, I'm gonna beat the BLACK off you, and you're gonna look lighter than Michael Jackson!

• In An Extremely Goofy Movie, when Tank tries to hurt Bobby, PJ threatens to hurt him with a biscotti... somehow, though all he says on the subject is "I'm not afraid to use it!" This threat is nullified when Tank bites the biscotti right out of his hand.
• Eve from Alpha and Omega loves these. When one of the wolves in the pack is hurt, she wants to track down the attacker, tear his tail off, and shove it down his throat. As if that wasn't bad enough, when her daughter goes missing, she gives this little speech to the other pack:

  Eve: If any of you wolves have hurt my daughter, I will personally RIP out your eyes, and SHOVE them down your throat so you can see my claws TEAR YOUR CARCASS OPEN!

• Shrek gives a string of threats of this kind to the villagers who hunt him, after correcting them that it's giants who grind your bones to make their bread rather than ogres.
• In Heavy Metal, Hanover Fiste is brought on as a Character Witness to Captain Sternn for numerous crimes. Having been bribed earlier, he initially gives the man glowing praise but the influence of a mysterious orb causes him to angrily blurt out all of Sternn's guilty actions before eventually Hulking Out and declaring:

  Hangin's too good for him! Burnin's too good for him! He should be cut up into little bitsy pieces and BURIED ALIVE!

• Although not a direct threat, "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Virus Alert" warns of a computer virus that will allegedly, among other things, "translate your documents into Swahili, make your TV record Gigli / neuter your pets, and give your laundry static cling."
  • Also, listen to "One More Minute" by the Al... this time it's subverted in that it isn't threats to anyone else, but what he would rather do instead of being with his ex. Actions preferred: ripping out his intestines with a fork, putting an icepick under a few of his toenails, diving into a swimming pool with double-edged razor blades, and the clincher: "I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'til I die."
• In The Decemberists' The Tain: "I will bleed your heart through a samovar soon!" Ow.
  • No "Find him, bind him, tie him to a pole and break his fingers to splinters, drag him to a hole until he wakes up naked clawing at the ceiling of his grave"? Then again, that one was an order.
    • Same thing with "Culling of the Fold", in that the gore is instruction rather than threat. "Dash her on the paving stones/ It may break your heart to break her bones ..."
• Ministry's "Flashback" has such lyrical gems as "I'm gonna rip his head off and then shit down his neck, and I'll laugh like a motherfucker" and "Pneumatic drill right through her chest".
• In one of the skits that Da Yoopers intersperse between the songs in their albums the wife of a man who has run off somewhere threatens to "give him a vasectomy with a rusty chainsaw" if he ever returns.
• Xiu Xiu's "I Broke Up" gives us the delightful shouted line "THIS IS THE WORST VACATION EVER!/I AM GOING TO CUT OPEN YOUR FOREHEAD WITH A ROOFING SHINGLE!" Just an idea, but perhaps lines like that are why they broke up?
• The first line of Zebrahead's "Back to Normal" is: "I'm feeling lost, I'm feeling like my heart's been carved out with a spoon."
• Voltaire gives us, "What if I were to cut you up and mail each part to a different town?"
• Possible with Pink Floyd's song "One Of These Days", a (mostly) instrumental song with one spoken line that was rendered into a growl: "One of these days I'm going to cut you into little pieces!"
• The bridge to BROCKHAMPTON's "HEAT", beautifully screamed by JOBA.

  I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK SO YOU CAN WATCH YOUR BACK

  • It also gets a Call-Back in "BOOGIE".
• The infamous torture skit at the beginning of Wu-Tang Clan's "Method Man":

  "I'll fuckin' lay your nuts on a fuckin' dresser, just your nuts layin' on a fuckin' dresser, and bang them shits with a spiked fuckin' bat. BLAOW!"

• From Quest in Show:

  El Cid: Sir, if you come any closer to me, I will chop off your teeth and wear them around my ears and put a Versace logo on them. Don't you take one step further!

• In the run-up to WWF's WrestleMania VI, Ultimate Warrior gave a long, rambling interview about how he was going to hijack Hulk Hogan's plane on the way to the event and fly it into the ground. To this day, it's still one of the biggest "WTF?" moments ever in wrestling. Yes, even ranking above The Gobbledy Gooker hatching from a giant egg, Robocop rescuing Sting, and Mae Young giving birth to a hand.
  • Keep in mind, he was threatening to do this by taking over the pilot's mind with his magical moon-powers.
    • But he did end up beating Hogan clean for the belt, which is just as improbable as him using mind powers on an airline pilot and turning the moon blood-red.
• The Rock actually had one of these as a catchphrase: "The Rock's gonna take your candy ass down to the corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive, and check you into the Smackdown Hotel!"
  • As well as the fan-favorite, "The Rock's gonna take your little [beloved object], [shine it up real nice/dust it off], turn it sideways, and shove it straight up your candy ass!"
    • In Mick Foley's second book, Foley Is Good And The Real World Is Faker Than Wrestling, he writes about how unrealistic and unproductive these kinds of threats are.
• Once in a while, Kane dips into the Purple Prose. The results are entertaining.
  • In one interview while he was promoting his old-school slasher flick See No Evil, he advised the female interviewer, who claimed to have endured light hazing from her mostly-male counterparts, to try:

    "If you ever say that to me again, I will force feed you your own spleen."

    • She tried it out with one of her coworkers in the studio, who said back dryly:
• The Undertaker, during his biker gimmick days, once threatened someone, "I'm gonna kick your teeth so far down your throat, you'll be able to chew your own ass off for pissing me off!"
• During Gangrel's match with "Retrosexual" Anthony Greene at Beyond Uncharted Territory Episode 2, April 10, 2019, someone in the crowd yelled, "Tear his heart out Gangrel!"

• Team America: World Police:
  • "If you don't [comply], we [The UN] will be very angry. And we will write a letter, telling you how angry we are."
  • Chris is a bit more specific in his threats to Gary. "If you fuck us out there I'll rip out your balls and shove them up your ass so the next time you shit, you'll shit all over your balls!" Or, "If you fuck us out there I'll drill holes through your dick so the next time you piss it comes out in all different directions!"

• From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1978):
  • Arthur's reaction to his house being knocked down:

    "I'll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled... until... until... until you've had enough! And then I'll do it again! And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will jump on them! And I will carry on jumping on them until I get blisters, or I can think of anything even more unpleasant to do, and then..."

  • Also:

    Slartibartfast: Come now or you will be late!
    Arthur Dent: Late? What for?
    Slartibartfast: Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent. It's a sort of threat, you see. I've never been very good at them myself...

• Magic: The Gathering has this memorable example from the flavor text for the card Hatred:

  "I will flay the skin from your flesh and the flesh from your bones and scrape your bones dry, and still you will not have suffered enough!"

• A traditional version in Dungeons & Dragons (due to the ease of resurrection at higher levels) is "If you die, I'll drag your corpse to a cleric and have you resurrected and then kill you!"
  • Averted in the later editions where one has to want to be resurrected for the spell to work.

• In Fangirls, Lily threatens to cut Harry's kidnapper's eyelids off with a set of toenail clippers.
• In Critic's Choice, Parker, having decided that he's going to review Angela's play anyway, demands that Ivy give him his shoes, "or I will dissect you, and put you in suitcases, and ship you to New Haven and Boston and Philadelphia and Washington." (These cities are where theatrical productions are usually shipped out for tryouts before they open in New York. Ivy's last show didn't make it past Boston.)

• In ATOM GRRRL!!, Big E has a ridiculously over-the-top one:

  "If you're a fag, I'll cut off that disgusting prick of yours growing between your legs and shove it up your ass so you have to shit from your belly button! Or maybe you're a slut, and you'd prefer me to bury your own head in your stadium-sized cunt!"

• Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony: Korekiyo threatens to tear out Kokichi's nerves when the latter touches a historical relic from his lab without permission.
• Double Homework:
  • When Morgan is giving Amy lessons on how to mug people, some of her attempts fail because they're too long-winded, or because she uses the word "please" while trying to be threatening.
  • In Amy's epilogue, Amy's mom tells the protagonist that if Amy doesn't come back from college in one piece, she'll break him into the same number of pieces she's in. Subverted in that he's is pretty intimidated anyway; being threatened by a monarch is never anything to sneeze at, after all.
• In the eighth and final episode of Umineko: When They Cry, the two Psycho Lesbian Reality Warpers Bernkastel and Lambdadelta trade these threats around like Boss Banter. The first example sums it up, really:

  Bernkastel (to her cat familiars): This is my dearly beloved and only friend in the world. Her arms from the elbow down. Her legs from the knees down. You can chew those up however you please. But not a scratch anywhere else on her.
  Lambdadelta: Ah, simply wonderful. I'm about to be overwhelmed by Bern's love, aren't I!?
  Bernkastel: ......I do love you, Lambda. Once your limbs are gone, I'll skewer you through your butt and hang you by my bed. Every morning, I'll give you a good morning kiss, and every evening, I'll kiss you goodnight.

• Red vs. Blue:

  O'Malley: I will devour their hearts and crap out their souls!

  • In "Visiting Old Friends", when Caboose gets in touch with his "angry side" in order to fight off the noobs, he shouts absurd threats and insults like "I will eat your unhappiness!" and "Your toast is burnt, and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts!"
• Ayuda Mundial (roughly translated as World-Wide Help), a Latin American Halo machinima gives us this gem:

  Oscar: [to a curious fanboy] If you dare finish that sentence, I swear to God that I'll gouge your eyes out with a screwdriver. Then I'll cut your dick off and sharpen it until I can stick it on your neck to give you a tracheoechtomy. Finally, I'll scrape your skin off with a potato peeler and I'll squeeze it so I can send threatening letters to your whole family written with your own BLOOD!!

• Supermarioglitchy4's Super Mario 64 Bloopers: From "Luigi and the Haunted Castle":

  Luigi: what happenss if you catch me and chop me up! and then chop me up some more! then eat me and turn me into ghost poo!
  Big Boo: ew! thats disgusting! who would do that? I'm a sensitive guy.

• From the web series Neurotically Yours, Foamy the Squirrel does this in the episode "Zip Codes" to Franklin, the StarSchmucks barista, he keeps asking Foamy to fill out paperwork. Just to order a cup of black coffee.

  Foamy the Squirrel: I will fucking kill you. DO YOU HEAR ME?!? I will tear off your fucking balls and staple them to your fucking forehead! NOW STOP FUCKING AROUND AND GET ME MY FUCKING COFFEE!

• Spoofed in Web cartoon series Retarded Animal Babies. Puppy threatens to "vivisect [Cat] with [a] fondue fork" and "rape [him] with a handful of rusty corncob holders".
• In the web cartoon Go! Go! Mobaboy, the bad guy threatens our hero with "I'm gonna hit you so hard, your voice actor will feel it!"
• Dorkly.com has a regular feature that has loads of these.
• In the Orphaned Series Kermit Kombat, Kermit does the "getting a bit lost" variant, before getting sidetracked by realizing that's he's not speaking to the person he called:

  Kermit: I'm going to kill you. I'm going to rip your eyes out of your head and shove them up your ass, so you can watch me kicking your ass... um, while I'm kicking you ass! I'll tear into you like a monkey on a cupcake. I'll hit you so hard your dog is gonna be retarded! I'm gonna...
  Bob the cat: Um.. excuse me. Who is this?
  Kermit: [blushes in embarrassment] Um... is this Rocky Pinnacle?

• Sam & Mickey's Love Triangle Therapy Episode 2 has Yasmin give a surprisingly gruesome answer when Barbie asks what she'd do, hypothetically, if she learned about Ken having an affair with another woman. Yasmin threatens to cut off that woman's hands, then sew her vagina shut with an un-sterilized needle and thread.
• Not a threat, but Yahtzee's description of what he would just as soon do to himself as buy a $70 game that amounts to an expansion pack is suitably graphic: "swallow razor wire, pull the end out of my arse, and floss myself to death."
• Meet the Amazing Team:
  • Meet The Amazing Pyro: Just before they fight, Saxton Hale tells Pyro the two options before him:

    Saxton Hale: Either we fight so you can get revenge and ruin my plans, or you can leave immediately because I will rip your spine out of your ass if you pick option one!

  • A later video, The Amazing Interrogation, features an amusingly bizarre yet horrifically plausible threat from Soldier, which he proceeds to elaborate upon repeatedly. Spy, upon realizing that Soldier is completely insane and actually would follow through on his threat, is appropriately horrified.

    Soldier: I will crap in your mouth!
    Spy:...what.
    Soldier: C'mere sweetheart!
    Spy: What?!
    Soldier: Mwah hah ha ha ha!
    Spy: Help!
    Soldier: I have ten pounds of crap!
    Spy: NOOOO!
    Soldier: We are in a world of doody!

• DEATH BATTLE!: "Omni-Man vs. Homelander" opens with Omni-Man returning home to find that Homelander just killed his wife Debbie. Omni-Man sternly tells Homelander that he'll be feeding him his own heart, which Homelander thinks is a funny line and laughs off. Turns out, Omni-Man was dead serious about it in the most literal way possible, and at the end of the battle Homelander indeed gets his jaw torn open, his heart ripped out and shoved into it, and his head crushed with his heart in his mouth, all while Omni-Man tells him "remember what I promised you. Now swallow."
• The Annoying Orange: In "Monster Burger", when Orange warns a hamburger about a real burger monster that eventually eats him, the burger loses his sanity and threatens to rip Orange's peel off and shove it where the sun don't shine (although he doesn't finish saying that last part as he was interrupted by the monster burger before he could finish), as the former had been constantly screaming and shooting at the latter under the belief that he was a monster throughout the episode.

• Happens sometimes in the Protectors of the Plot Continuum and Official Fanfiction University 'verse.
  • "If either of you finish that sentence, I'm going to hang you both from each other's intestinal tracts!"
  • "If you ever bring that up again, I'll deny everything and I will not rest until every student in this building is convinced that your human self is a thirty-five-year-old man."
  • "But you pull this come-wiz-me-to-ze-casbah routine on me again, and I'm still going to rip your teeth out. Through your rectum."
  • "You make one more comment about 'rat-onna-stick', PPC boy, and I will eat your soul."
  • "TWO WORDS, YOU MANURE-CONSUMING EXCUSE FOR A SPOTTY WHITE TOADSTOOL! LAWN MOWER!"
  • "One false move from yew, sir, one word outta yore mouth wot I don't like, an' I'll cockblock yer by kickin' it till ye 'ave a falsetto wot'd make Justin Bieber jealous." In the same MSTing, a reluctant riffer was threatened with being forced to hang around with resident Enfant Terrible Molly.
  • "Are you aware of the number of live eel larvae the nasal cavity can accommodate? Make me listen to one more comment about my name and you'll find out."
• In the Don't Press the Red Button game, at one point after clicking the button a certain number of times, it threatens to cut off your head with a toothbrush.
• Dane threatens to castrate Ian with the edge of a plastic spoon in Statless and Tactless.
• MovieBob on Pixels:

  I didn't merely hate this movie, I wanted to beat it slowly to death with a wiffle ball bat, so it would take f*cking longer!

• The Reddit community r/Rarethreats is dedicated to these.

• Dragon Ball Z Abridged:
  • In episode 3, we have poor Krillin attempting to break some bad news to Chi-Chi which leads to this trope.

    Krillin: So... Chi-Chi. Hypothetically; what would you do if you were told your husband was dead and your son was kidnapped by his worst enemy?
    Chi-Chi: I'd castrate the messenger in his sleep with a rusty carving knife.
    Krillin: Oh... Then it's a good thing I'm not telling you that! (nervous laughter)
    (Chi-Chi briefly joins in with Krillin's laughter)
    Chi-Chi: (eerily) Would you like to spend the night?
    Krillin: ...Against my better judgment.

  • Episode 9 has Gohan making a threat like this in a rather eloquent manner in reaction to Piccolo's death.
  • Another one from Chi-Chi in episode 59 when Goku makes Gohan fight Cell.

    Chi-Chi: I AM GOING TO CASTRATE HIM!!!
    (Later)
    Chi-Chi: With a butterknife, you son of a bitch! I'll tie you to a chair first and gag you with a god damn daikon radish!

• PurpleEyesWTF made one of these in a video about an internet comment. Purple Eyes talks about an early review of a game in the SSX series where the reviewer ragged on the music, despite the game letting a player use their own music tracks. Nick threatened that if he ever found the reviewer, he would make them walk his cat with a cat leash.
• In Doom House, the only line spoken by the Doll (over the phone) is a bizarre, falsetto... well, it's a threat, that much is obvious. Something to do with putting Reginald's hair in a bowl.
• Sarah in the lonelygirl15 episode "CAMP PLAY": "Get any closer and I will breathe on you!"
• Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog:
  • The unseen character Bad Horse threatens to "make [Doctor Horrible] his mare." Doctor Horrible stops bobbing his head to the music and acquires an appropriately bewildered look.
  • Captain Hammer at one point confusingly threatens "It's curtains for you, Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently-wafting curtains."
• The Spoony Experiment: "YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I WILL PUNCH YOU IN YOUR FUCKING SOUL, YOU FUCKING ASSHAT!"
• Counter Monkey: "DON'T EVER BRING THESE! I WILL JUMP THE TABLE AND STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR OWN LUNGS."
• The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon. Towards the end, the protagonist would beg for having his heart cut out with a spoon. It'd be much faster than being beaten to death by a spoon.. The trailer boasts that the murder will take years.
• Now with the Spaghetti Dinner of the Damned and the Spoon VS Spoon
• My Way Entertainment: From "Imma beat your ass Charles. Imma beat your ass with Charles" to "It's time for some Black on Black crime" to "If anybody say anything to anyone I will KILL every motherfucker in here you hear me bitch?!". And everything in between.
• Jessi Slaughter will "pop a Glock in your mouth and make a brain slushie."
• Let's Player Azurite Reaction is fond of this trope.
  • " I'm the wicked bitch of the west! I'm here to drive you out of your fucking MIND!"
  • "I will fuck a million wives. Both. I will fuck lives and wives. I will fucking do it live. WE'RE DOIN' IT LIIIIIIIIIVE!"
  • "I WILL EAT YOUR CATS!"
• Game Grumps: After beating him in a traditional Japanese card game, Arin gets this gem from Dan, delivered in the most phlegmatic tone possible.

  Dan: I'm gonna pee on you.

• Kickassia:
  • When Team TGWTG is plotting exactly how they're going to take down The Nostalgia Critic, Bennett the Sage comes up with this gem:

    Bennett: I say we castrate him with a fork, tie him to a cactus, and play pinata with his entrails!

  • The bloopers take this farther: Bennett comes up with a series of increasingly cheerful and demented methods of torture, moving through "eviscerate him with a saw blade and laugh at his misfortune" and "strap him to a workbench, pour honey on his genitals, then FIRE ANTS" and finally landing on "I say we kill him."
• Ravandil's Quest is a two-video Warhammer campaign following the elf Ravandil questing, with a LOT of verbal vulgarity.
  • Many encounters and conversations include this trope, but the most memorable one is definitely Urist the dwarf, who will unleash overly long tirades full of these when provoked in the slightest, and being an elf counts as provocation. "I'm gonna flagellate you with my fucking beard!" is the least profane threat he makes.

    Urist: ALRIGHT, LISTEN TO ME YOU KNIFE-EARED PIECE OF SHIT! IF YOU GO ANY FURTHER WITH YOUR PISS-STAINED PUBIC HAIR YOU CALL A WIG, I'M GONNA WRECK YOUR SHIT SO HARD THAT YOU WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO WALK WITH YOUR LIMP DICK! I'M GONNA SHOVE MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR SHAVEN PERFECT LITTLE ASS THAT YOUR BREATH IS GONNA SMELL LIKE SHOE POLISH! THEN I'M GONNA TAKE THAT LITTLE RED ANAL BEAD ON YOUR BELT AND PUSH IT IN YOUR FACE! I'M GONNA FLAGELLATE YOU WITH MY FUCKIN' BEARD! I'M GONNA BUILD YOU A PAIR OF RUNIC MECHANICAL BALLS AND USE SURGICAL PRECISION TO SEW THEM TO YOUR GROIN WHERE YOUR MANHOOD OUGHT TO BE JUST SO THAT I CAN KICK 'EM WITH MY IRON FUCKING FEET, YOU TWAT!

  • The sequel contains a similar point where Urist unleashes another tirade against some other elves. The fact that Urist seems to be on a hair trigger and can spew these insults/threats at the drop of a hat is pretty impressive.

    Ravandil: "Oh for fuck's sake. Urist, you know what to do."

    Urist: "ALRIGHT! LISTEN TO ME YOU POLE PROPORTIONED DENDROPHILES. IF YOU TRY ANYTHING NASTY WITH THE BITCHBOY OVER HERE, IM GONNA TAKE YOUR FUCKIN ARROWS, AND SHOVE THEM INBETWEEN YER POLISHED FINGERNAILS! I'M GONNA TAKE THAT BOWSTRING OF YOURS, AND STRING YOU UP BY YOUR FUCKING FORESKIN, UNTIL GRAVITY GIVES YOU A BOTCHED CIRCUMCISION, AND PLAY IT LIKE A FUCKING VIOLIN! I'M GONNA HEADBUTT YOU UNTIL THERE'S NOTHING BUT A BUTT LEFT! I'M GONNA COLOR THAT LITTLE PANSY GREEN SKIRT OF YOURS RED USING YER FUCKING BONE MARROW! YOU BETTER BELIEVE YOU'RE GOING TO WISH THAT YOU WERE NEVER BORN, 'CAUSE I'LL MAKE IT SEEM LIKE YOU NEVER WERE, YE ATROCIOUS FUCKIN' BOIL ON THE FACE OF REALITY! I WILL- (cut to narrator and map-view).

  • The Ork Warboss is no slouch either. His threats against Ravandil come across as this trope on account of being veiled in incomprehensible Cockney slang.

    Ork: I'LL SWEAR TO ME FAKKIN MINCES THAT THE LOOP THE LOOP BE HALF-INCHING ME CITY SLICKERS AS MY COBBLERS SMEAR ALL OVER YOUR NORT AND SOUTH AND I'LL TOM TIT ON YOUR WHISTLE AND FLUTE YA FOREST FAKKA!

  • Urist makes a surprise return (being pulled across time and space through the Warp) in one of the Vox-logs for If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device, this time unleashing one of his tirades upon a bunch of Dark Eldar/Drukhari. The latter are no strangers to unusual and bizarre manners of torture and even they are weirded out.

    Urist: LISTEN HERE YA SPIKE-COCKED, TAR-EYED, PLANK-SHAPED, SEWER-ASSED RODENT ANALOGUES! I'M GONNA SHEAR THAT THIN FILM OF SLIME YOU CALL SKIN FROM YER SPINDLY HUSK AND MAKE A FUCKING RAINCOAT OUT OF IT! I'M GONNA SLAM MY FIST DOWN YER THROATS, RIP YER INKY INNARDS OUT AND STITCH A LEATHERY SACK OUT OF 'EM! I'M GONNA SAW YOUR WEE LEGS OFF AND TURN YOUR HOLLOW LEGBONES INTO FUCKING FLUTES! I'M GONNA CRAFT A MAKESHIFT PIPE BAG OUT OF THE RANCID MATERIALS I HAVE HARVESTED FROM YER TWITCHING BODIES, AND THEN I'M GONNA COME AROUND AND PLAY A NICE TUNE AT YER FUNERAL CEREMONIES! BEFORE I PISS ON YER FUCKING GRANDMA!!!!

• This video is about 80-90% this trope, containing many examples listed in the film folder (and many that aren't), including the trope namer.
• Cammy's threat of "I'll cut you twice" has become quite infamous in A Couple Of Cunts In The Countryside.
• A season 2 promo for Epic Rap Battles of History has Theodore Roosevelt threaten the ERB crew into finishing season 2, lest he chisel himself out of Mount Rushmore and crush them to death with his moustache.
• The Weather: When his caller fails to come deliver chips and cups to his party within twenty minutes, Robby calls him "scum of the Earth" and threatens to pull their fingers and toes off with his teeth.
• The Cry of Mann: Berry threatens Courtney with a very violent death.

  "I WILL BURN YOU ALIVE! I WILL PICK OUT YOUR BRAIN AND EAT IT! I WILL TIE YOUR HEAD TO THE BACK OF A TRAIN, I'M GONNA ROLL THROUGH TOWN, DRAGGING YOUR SKULL, AND THEN I'LL CRACK IT OPEN IN THE CENTER OF TOWN ON TROOL DAY!"

• Criticized: Arthur gouges out Darian's left eye with a paperclip.

"Because it's dull, you twit! It'll hurt more!"