155 Funniest Christmas Jokes for a Humor-Filled Holiday

‘Tis the season of giving, so why not dole out a few laughs while spreading holiday cheer? The best Christmas jokes are perfect to text friends, crack up your kids and make the weeks leading up to the big day even better. If you’re wondering what there is to laugh about on Christmas, the answer is: a whole lot!

From silly Santa jokes to clever Christmas puns that are elfin hilarious, these funny Christmas jokes will make even the grouchiest Grinch chuckle. Happy holidays, everyone!

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Punny Christmas jokes

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• What do you call a shark that delivers toys at Christmas?
  Santa Jaws.

• Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much?
  She sleighs.

• What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
  Rude-olph.

• What is a vegan’s favorite Christmas carol?
  “Soy to the World.”

• What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
  Tinsillitis!

• What do you call a Christmas rom-com about bread?
  Loaf Actually.

• What’s everyone’s favorite breakfast in the North Pole?
  Mistle toast.

• Why was the eggnog upset during Christmas dinner?
  It felt egg-nored.

• Why is Christmas better than all the other holidays?
  It’s part of win-ter.

• What is the little snowman’s favorite day at kindergarten?
  Snow and tell.

• What did the gingerbread man say after all the cookies were eaten?
  It’s so hard to bake new friends!

• What do guests do at the ocean Christmas party?
  Sing Christmas corals.

Funny Christmas jokes

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• Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent calendar?
  He got 25 days.

• What do you call a bunch of chess masters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby over the holidays?
  Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

• Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
  He was picking his nose!

• Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?
  Because he went down in history.

• How does the snow globe feel this year?
  A little shaken.

• What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
  A cookie sheet!

• What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
  Ice Krispies.

• What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
  Stick with me, and we’ll go places!

• How did Scrooge win the football game?
  The ghost of Christmas passed.

• What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
  The Christmas alphabet has no-el.

• What do you call a search engine that sings the best Christmas songs?
  Michael Googlé.

• What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas carol?
  “Silent Night.”

• How did the Jedi know what he was getting for Christmas?
  He could sense their presents.

• What did the psychic say before Christmas?
  I feel a presents near.

• Why are Christmas ornaments addicted to Christmas?
  Because they get hooked on trees their whole life.

• Why does the Grinch enjoy gardening?”
  Because he’s got a green thumb!

• What falls in the North Pole and never gets hurt?
  Snow!

• What’s red, white and blue on Christmas Eve?
  A sad candy cane.

• What do gingerbread men put on their beds?
  Cookie sheets.

• Why is Christmas a mummy’s favorite holiday?
  They love the gift wrapping.

Christmas tree jokes

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• What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?
  Orna-mints.

• Why did the kitten refuse to climb the Christmas tree?
  It was afraid of the bark.

• Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
  It needed to be trimmed!

• What did one Christmas tree say to another?
  Lighten up!

• Why are Christmas trees always looking to the future?
  Because the present is beneath them.

• How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out?
  They spruce up!

• What do Christmas trees say when they’re in love?
  I’m pining for you.

• Why was the Christmas tree so expensive?
  It was in mint condition.

• What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
  Horn-aments!

• What do guests sing to Christmas trees at their retirement parties?
  “Fir he’s a jolly good fellow, fir he’s a jolly good fellow …”

• Why couldn’t the Christmas tree stand up?
  It had no legs.

• What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?
  A pineapple!

• Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer?
  |Spruce Springsteen!

• Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist?
  It needed a root canal.

• Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
  They have too many needles.

Christmas knock-knock jokes

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• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Elf.
  Elf who?
  Elf me decorate the tree.

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Chris.
  Chris who?
  Christmas is almost here!

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Harry.
  Harry who?
  Harry up and open your gifts!

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Honda.
  Honda who?
  Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me …

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Dexter.
  Dexter who?
  Dexter halls with boughs of holly …

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Santa.
  Santa who?
  Santa Christmas card to you.

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Justin.
  Justin who?
  Justin time for Christmas movies!

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Interrupting Santa.
  Inter– Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Anna.
  Anna who?
  Anna partridge in a pear tree.

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Alaska.
  Alaska who?
  Alaska again.
  What do you want for Christmas?

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Luke.
  Luke who?
  Luke at all those Christmas light.

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Holly.
  Holly who?
  Holly-days are here again!

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Wayne.
  Wayne who?
  Wayne in a manger …

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Noah.
  Noah who?
  Noah good Christmas movie?

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Olive.
  Olive who?
  Olive Christmas.

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Howard.
  Howard who?
  Howard you like to sing with me?

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Yah.
  Yah who?
  Wow, you’re really excited about Christmas!

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Mary.
  Mary who?
  Mary Christmas!

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Avery.
  Avery who?
  Avery merry Christmas to you!

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Snow.
  Snow who?
  Snow time to waste.

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Coal.
  Coal who?
  Coal me if you see Santa.

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Dewey.
  Dewey who?
  Dewey know how many days until Christmas?

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Donut.
  Donut who?
  Donut eat the Christmas cookies!

• Knock, knock! 
  Who’s there?
  Gladys.
  Gladys who?
  Gladys Christmas!

• Knock, knock!
  Who’s there?
  Ho Ho. Ho
  Ho who?
  Your Santa impression isn’t very good!

Christmas dad jokes

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•  What did the naughty soccer announcer get from Santa Claus?
  COOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

• What is the best possible holiday present?
  A broken drum—you just can’t beat it!

• Did you hear that Walmart is giving away dead batteries for the holiday?
  They’re free of charge!

• What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense?
  Wait, there’s myrrh.

• What did one snowman say to the other?
  “Is it just me, or do you smell carrots?”

• Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
  His wife was a total flake.

• Who is never hungry at Christmas?
  The turkey—he’s always stuffed.

• What’s the Grinch’s least favorite band?
  The Who.

• What did the gingerbread man say when the gingerbread woman asked how she looked?
  “Sweet!”

• Who tells the best Christmas jokes?
  Reindeer. They sleigh every time.

• Why did Santa get a parking ticket?
  He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.

• Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
  Their days are numbered.

• How does a sheep say, “Merry Christmas”?
  Fleece Navidad!

• How do sheep wish each other happy holidays?
  Merry Christmas to ewe.

• What does a grumpy sheep say when his friends wish him happy holidays?
  Baaaa humbug!

• Why is it always cold on Christmas?
  Because it’s in Decembrrrrrr.

• How does Christmas Day end?
  With the letter “Y”!

• Where would a reindeer go to find her lost tail?
  A re-tail store.

• Why did Scrooge decide to invest in reindeer?
  Because every buck is deer to him.

• What did one snowman say to the other?
  You look super cool.

• What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
  “I’ll never part with it!”

• Which of Santa’s friends is the most chill?
  Jack Frost.

• Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?
  He was in search of some holiday spirit.

• Why did Rudolph never go to school?
  He was elf-taught.

• Which of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?
  Dancer!

• Why do birds fly south for Christmas?
  It’s too far to walk.

Santa jokes

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• Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
  Because it soots him.

• What is Santa Claus’s favorite type of potato chip?
  Crisp Pringles!

• What is Santa Claus’s favorite track and field event?
  North Pole-vaulting.

• What do you call a broke Santa Claus?
  Saint Nickel-less.

• How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
  Nothing—it was on the house!

• What is Santa’s favorite kind of candy?
  Jolly Ranchers.

• What was Santa’s favorite subject in school?
  Chemis-tree!

• What is Santa’s dog’s name?
  Santa Paws!

• What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
  A rebel without a Claus.

• Why does Santa have three gardens?
  So he can “ho-ho-ho!”

• What is Santa’s laundry detergent of choice?
  Yule-Tide.

• When Santa is on the beach, what do the elves call him?
  Sandy Claus.

• What do you call Santa Claus with unfolded clothes?
  Kris Wrinkle.

• Have you heard of Santa’s detective alter ego?
  His name is Santa Clues.

• What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
  Claus-trophobia!

• What is one of Santa’s favorite Christmas activities?
  Listening to Elf-is Presley.

• What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
  A Holly Davidson!

• What’s the difference between a knight and Santa’s reindeer?
  One slays the dragon, and the other is draggin’ the sleigh.

• What goes “oh-oh-oh”?
  Santa walking backward.

• What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
  Santa Pause.

• Why did Santa Claus go out with only eight reindeer?
  Comet wanted to stay home and clean.

• What does Santa say before he takes off?
  Ready, set, ho-ho-ho!

• Where does Santa stash all his money?
  At the local snow bank.

• Why does Santa never go to the hospital?
  Because he has private elf care.

• What do you get when you cross Santa with a duck?
  A Christmas Quacker.

• What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance?
  A dependent Claus.

• What is Santa’s favorite fruit?
  (Sugar)plums.

• Which state does Santa like delivering presents to the most?
  Idaho-ho-ho.

• Why is Santa so good at karate?
  Because he’s got a black belt.

• What did Santa and Mrs. Claus name their daughter?
  Mary Christmas!

• What did Santa say when the elf told him a crazy story?
  “Get the elf out of here.”

• Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
  Beyon-sleigh.

• What did Santa and his wife do when they wanted to split up but couldn’t find a divorce lawyer in the North Pole?
  They got a semicolon instead. They’re great for separating independent Clauses.

• Why does Santa use GPS?
  He doesn’t want to be a lost Claus.

Elf jokes

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• What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?
  Wrap, of course.

• How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit?
  You nurse them back to elf!

• What kind of photos do elves take?
  Elfies!

• What would you call an elf who won the lottery?
  Welfy.

• What should you say to an elf in need of self-care?
  “Treat yo’ elf.”

• What is an elf’s favorite car to drive?
  A Toy-ota.

• What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
  The elf-abet!

• What’s do elves have inside their shoes?
  Mistletoes!

• How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas?
  They use Santa-tizer.

• What did the teacher tell the little elves before Christmas break?
  Don’t forget to do your gnome-work!

• What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
  Subordinate Clauses.

• Why did Rudolph feel bad after talking with the elves?
  He had low elf-esteem.

• What did the elves sing on their girls’ night out?
  “All the jingle ladies, put your hands up!”

• What do elves get when Santa congratulates them on a job well done?
  A round of Santapplause!

• Where do elves go to vote?
  The North Poll.

• What kind of paintings do elves like best?
  Elf-portraits.

• What do elves do in school?
  Make present-ations!

• What kind of money do elves use?
  Jingle bills!

• What do Santa’s little helpers eat on a cold day?
  Elf-abet soup.

• How did the elf survive his first trip on Santa’s sleigh?
  He held on for deer life.

• What did the elf say when the reindeer ignored him at the Christmas party?
  How Rude-olph of you!

• What did the elf say when he didn’t get the lead in the Christmas pageant?
  Yule be sorry!

• What’s an elf’s favorite Christmas song?
  “Have Your Elf a Merry Little Christmas.”

Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.

Additional reporting by Lucie Turkel and Charlotte Hilton Andersen.

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Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.