Live online: Adam & Joe

Since they first burst onto our screens in the 1990s, Adam Buxton and Joe Cornish have built up a varied career - including telly, radio, music, the internet, podcasting and more. The charming duo are now presenters of their own radio show on BBC 6Music, and we've convinced them to come and answer your questions this lunchtime.

They'll be live online between 1 and 2pm to answer your questions. If you've got anything you'd like to ask them, please leave a question in Friday's post.

OK: I've made it through the rain and we're sitting in the studio --- ready to go.

Which one is which? I'm sure you look different but you sound uncannily similar. Sometimes I am not convinced you are really separate people.

Adam: Our producer Jude has us panned the opposite - Joe on the left and Adam on the right.

Joe: I've got a higher voice, Adam's got baritone. Joe looks like Chesney Hawkes, Adam looks like Bob Hoskins. But there's no need to tell us apart; we're like a big mindblob.

What sport would you like to invent?

Adam: Some kind of game with a ball on a big grass rectangle. There would be portals at the end of the rectangle, and there would be a lot of twats on the rectangle. It would be called Kicksphere or Footsport.

Is there more to come from Meebox? Nothing planned. You should pester the BBC.

How do you think comedy has changed since your Channel 4 show ended? Apart from Peep Show and The Thick of It can you name any funny programs that have been on television in the last 5 years? What do you really think of Ricky Gervais?

Adam: I can name lots: Snuffbox; Mighty Boosh; Tim & Eric.

Joe: The IT Crowd, we liked that one. Harry Hill's TV Burp, that's amazing. There's lots of American stuff. Has comedy changed? It's harder to get commissioned unless it's very mainstream and a lot of it has migrated to the internet, which is where underground stuff lives these days. Therefore it's become more lo-fi and homemade, which is what we were doing in the first place. So comedy has come to us, proving us to be comedy genii.

Adam: As far as what we think of Ricky Gervais - we all know he's the funniest man alive. He's like the Bono of comedy. He should join the UN and make them all chuckle.

Joe: I agree with Adam. He's so funny, it's impossible to laugh at his jokes.

If you had never succeeded in becoming comedian disc jockey types, what professions do you imagine you would have fallen in to? Do you think there is any reason why so many successful comedians come from the relative elite of society (ie eton/oxbridge etc.)?

What is Joe doing all the time in America?

Adam: I would be a gynaecologist.

Joe: I would work in a newsagent, arranging the sweets. The reason the elite is successful is that our dads own the TV companies.

And what am I doing in America? Trying to get Ricky Gervais' autograph.

I can't believe "Stephen!" cas caught on... I was in a cafe last weekend and the waiter shouted it out. No one else got the joke.

Adam: Do you think perhaps that the waiter was talking to someone called Stephen?

Joe: We're not responsible for the naming of people called Stephen.

I know you are BOTH veeery busy. (read:old) but can´t you guys come up with a radio sketch or two? its your forté

Adam: What radio sketch have we ever done? I think you have us confused with Mitchell & Webb.

Do you think there's something about UK private schools that makes them a good breeding ground for comedy?

Joe: It's the beatings, the top hats and the arrogance that make public schoolboys good comedians. Plus we studied comedy to A-level and were tutored in France by Ricky Gervais. Our parents paid for this to happen.

What is Baaad Dad listening to these days?

Adam: He likes a bit of Mika. No he doesn't actually. He likes Wagner and any music associated with oppressive regimes.

Joe: All tyrants tend to listen to Wagner.

pNot impressed that Middle Class festival song isn't on the compilation! Volume 2 perhaps.

Adam: Volume 2 definitely.

Joe: We'll aim for Christmas - we just have to record more songs.

Adam: No! We've got loads. We'll get Garth's on there as well.

My question is; your partnership has lasted longer than some marriages, how do you both make it work?

Joe: The secret is that we vary the sex, costume play, roleplaying... and we swing. That's the secret of a good marriage.

Adam: Sometimes Joe goes out with David Mitchell. Sometimes I give Rob Webb a blowjob - everyone's happy... apart from Rob Webb.

How dare you pose as a pair of radio presenters when you're forever taking time off, leaving that shrieker to look after your so-called 'show'?

Adam: Sorry to be irregular, but we've got busy lives that keep getting in the way. But we're back properly in August.

Joe: We work in Smith's in Charing Cross station during the week to make ends meet and several magazine launches have meant late night shelf stacking.

Adam: Plus, I don't like people being rude about the people who fill in for us. I think Alan Carr's wonderful and we love him and he's very funny.

I recently flew from London to Australia. Shortly before leaving I discovered the back catalogue of your Xfm podcasts, so listened to them back to back during the flight. But it still seemed like a very long journey. Do you blame yourselves?

Joe: Australia is surrounded by a massive comedy repelling force field, which renders everything unfunny.

Adam: It's called Hogan's Wall.

As a couple of gents who seem to care about what their public think of them (well, Adam at least); what's the most toe curlingly embarrassing corporate gig you've ever regretted doing? I seem to remember a very Adam like voice advertising office supplies on a Bristol radio station - can I nominate that if it was you?

Joe: We did the Q awards - in what year?

Adam: 2002.

Joe: That was very anxious-making and we were very nervous and starstruck by everyone we were giving awards to. i think we looked like a couple of sweaty, terrified members of the public who'd wandered in like an episode of Some Mothers Do 'Ave Em. We both do lots of questionable voiceovers for money - I do House Guest for ITV; Adam did New Tricks with Esther Rantzen. Basically, the short answer is: offer us enough money and we'll do anything for anybody.

- forget LA, when are you doing an All Canada tour? You may be on the morning show in the Castle, but you're so prime-time in Moose Jaw, 100 Mile House and Squamish.

Joe: I'd like to come to Canada because I'm interested in the Manitobe Sasquatch - I'd like to find him and fight him. However, I don't really do any live stuff, so Adam's more likely to come to Canada.

Adam's just gone to answer the door. Oh, he's back again.

Adam: I'd love to tour anywhere. I'd like to go out of the UK for any reason.

My wife is due with our first child in August. She wants to call the little blighter Adam if male. Any other suggestions? (Joe and Stephen! are out of the question of course).

Joe: Why is Joe out of the question?

Adam: I always like Chud.

Joe: Which stands for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller, in case you didn't know. There's also a very good film of this name which can be used to educate the child.

Adam: What about Chucky? That's a nice name for a little child.

Can you please explain to my wife why picking up the Rock Band game a month before having a baby still makes me a responsible father. I'm counting on you. Perhaps training for the upcoming Award Winning A&J Rock Band competition.

Joe: Rock Band is an important outlet for fathers with unfulfilled rock ambitions.

Adam: Plus rock is the new accountancy; it's a respectable profession now. You don't have to be like Amy Winehouse - you can be like Coldplay.

Joe: Tell your wife you will help look after the child when Nintendo come out with a game that involves looking after kids.

Adam: The Wii cradle, which you can just hook up.

If some fat bloke called Harvey Weinstein suggested your lives were made into a biopic, who would you like to see play yourselves.

Joe: I would be played by the Eiffel Tower, or that bloke from the Bill everyone says looks like me, or by Stephen Merchant.

Adam: I would be played by Simon Pegg - and then the film would be a success. He'd have to be on his knees with shoes attached to his knees.

Can you cover the best bits of this on your podcast in case i forgot about this (which is bound to happen by Monday)?

Joe: No, don't be so lazy.

Adam: Yes, absolutely. Is there anything else we can do for you? We'll clear our schedules.

To Mervyn Reeves (who relays a story about spitting on Adam and nicking a fiver).

Adam: It is weird how things turn out. I remember you: I scraped the spit off my face and I keep it in a jar next to my bed. Don't worry about the fiver - buy the album instead.

Has Chris Morris lost it?

Joe: Lost what? His copy of the Adam & Joe Song Wars album? No, he hasn't - because he listens to it all the time. He recently issued a statement saying he'd given up comedy because there's no point any more because he's heard Adam & Joe's Song Wars album.

Where can I find more stuff from you. Joe? I think they're both very funny but I can't remember seeing anything from Joe without Adam. I think Joes great, basically.

Joe: Thanks, Splendisaurus - you're my favourite sort of dinosaur.

Adam: I thought you were extinct.

Joe: I'm writing three films. One for FilmFour, one for Marvel and one for Dreamworks. But they take a long time to come to fruition, so you'll just have to be happy with me being mysterious.

Adam: But by the time you're 50 you're going to be in gravy.

how do you keep fit?

Adam: With the Wii Fit.

Joe: By smoking; it increases the heart rate, just like running. Actually I keep fit by worrying, it's the new work out. Being neurotic; losing things; running up and down the stairs and getting ill frequently.

Adam: I just masturbate regularly and very vigorously.

Joe: Adam has a right arm like Popeye's. The rest of his body is like a little Hobbit.

'Adam and Joe, please provide fun facts and information about anything that you would like me to buy ?' I would also like your answer in the form of a haiku or at the very least something that I can morris dance to. Many thanks, Blanko

Blanko please go to the shops, Don't steal or we will tell the cops, Make sure you take a thousand pounds, And buy us some machine gun rounds So we can bury them in a hole (*the machine gun rounds, so they can't be used for killing).

Joe: It's a new type of haiku called the shiteku.

What was your reaction to the 'football' song you wrote despite knowing almost nothing about football bing used for FA cup games in Sky Sports? I almost spat my beer out upon hearing it

Adam: Our reaction was "show me the money". And we're still waiting to see it.

Joe: We were more excited about that than we ever have been about football, and we savoured the delicious irony that thousands of ignorant football trolls thought that it was sincere.

What's your favourite biscuits?

Adam: Jaffa cakes.

Joe: That's not a biscuit, that's a cake. It's taxed as a cake.

Adam: The rectangle ones that Mark always has. Leibnitz.

Joe: I ate a whole packet of those yesterday. They've got a vanilla thing going on.

would you like to come to my party pom-pom?

Joe: Only if it's a poo-poo party.

Here's a stupid question: remember how your XFM podcasts had those introductions set in cathedrals, ATM queues, France and so on. I have an ongoing argument with my sister as to whether or not they were genuinely recorded on location. Were they real or was it all just radio magic?

Joe: They were all real.

Adam: It was the most expensive podcast ever recorded. In fact, XFM almost went broke flying us around, which is why they had to fire all their DJs and go shit.

Joe: This is, however, a Guardian webchat and not a Big British Castle webchat - therefore we might not be telling the truth.

Is Joe better yet? Does he have Shingles?

Joe: I am better, but I did have shingles. Would you like some? You know the thing that tasted best when I had shingles? Pringles.

Your Big British Castle musical interlude is the most catchy bit of pomp I know of, and regularly flashes into my head at inopportune moments making me hum away in meetings, etc, does it do the same to you two?

Adam: Yes, it's a stirring theme. It's been adopted as the new national anthem by Gordon Brown.

Hello! What football team(s) do you support?

Adam: The naked lady one.

Joe: I support the one in Bedknobs and Broomsticks with all the animals, where the ball gets punctured but they score anyway. Not sure what it's called, or when they're next playing.

What is the process you use for creating the Song Wars songs? Do you each have a different process?

Joe: The process is sheer blood, sweat and tears - and relying on random inspiration. Hence the massively variable quality from week to week. We both use Garageband though, which we keep saying over and over again in interviews in the hope that Apple will take notice, drop Mitchell & Webb and pay us to do their next series of adverts.

Adam, can I blag a ticket for Book Slam on Tuesday!?

Adam: I think they're still on sale.

Guys, any regrets in not blagging the "Big Cook, Little Cook" gig?

Adam: No. We're working on something called "Big Cock, Little Cock", which is going to wipe the floor with it.

When are you going to come back to The Box?

Adam: We're not allowed back on TV.

Joe: You shouldn't ask us that question, ask the TV bosses. They don't like us because we keep taking the mickey out of their programmes.

Joe, were you the star of Steven Spielberg's Young Sherlock Holmes?

Joe: No, but I genuinely did audition for it. We were 13 or 14 and I was convinced that I was going to get the part. I got to the second round of auditions and I was so upset that I told loads of people that I did get it, but that it was a supporting role and they cut me out.

Dear Adam and Joe, do you think you will have any opportunities to work with the toy community again on film projects?

Joe: We are legally unable to work with toys because of what we did to them between the years 1996 and 2001 - including several murders, mutilations, running them through with coathangers, burning them, blowing them up with fireworks and dressing them in unflattering costumery.

Seriously though, we'd love to do some more - but they take a very long time, so we'd someone to pay us.

Adam & Joe get a mention on the director's commentary for Withnail & I, as big fans of the film they must be delighted with this. Have they met Bruce Robinson or does he just know them from the telly?

Adam: I can't believe that's true. I know we're on a documentary, but if Bruce Robinson mentions us then that's great.

Joe: We're both big fans and we're flattered if it's true.

Adam: We'll have to go and buy it now.

House parties - which room do/did you hang out in?

Joe: I hang out at the one with Kid N Play at it. Or Normski.

Adam: I tend to hang out in the toilet with Pete Doherty.

How is the Video Wars judging going? Have you managed to watch many, and when will the winner be announced?

Joe: I think the winner is announced on August 9. We haven't properly watched any, but we're very excited by the number and quality of entries.

Adam: We've watched a few on YouTube and they're amazing. We thought that only 15 people were going to respond and we've been humbled by the reaction and very surprised that they're so good.

Joe: Have you seen the Lego one? It's properly good.

Joe's VO work on 'House Guest' is obviously exemplary but does he feel he is at all influenced by Dave Lamb of 'Come Dine with me' ?

Joe: Dave Lamb and I have the same influence - the money.

Joe, you were educated privately at Westminster school. Did you get your Terrys chocolate orange advert job through the old boy network?

Joe: Yes. My middle name is Terry's Chocolate Orange. My dad's name is Terry. My mum's name is Orange. And together they run the factory. It's important to have your five pieces of chocolate orange a day to stay healthy.

George Lamb is unfunny. Discuss.

Adam: He just needs a hug.

Rewatching your 'Chew've Been Framed' skit from the first series of the Adam and Joe show last night, I was struck by the similarity between the melted, mutilated action figures at the end of the sequence when the set explodes, and the melted, mutilated toy soldiers in the Chapman brothers' 'Hell'. You must have been a good five years ahead of them. Have you ever been in touch to point this out?

Adam: We visited the Chapman brothers when they were working on Hell, and we accused them of stealing all of our ideas. But they chopped our arms off and hung us off a tree and stuck cocks on our faces, so that's why we burned down their warehouse.

Joe: You can see Baaad Dad's visit to the Chapmans on YouTube.

Is it more difficult to get a show commissioned by BBC3, or to persuade them to actually show it?

Adam: Both of them seem completely mystifying to me.

Joe - did you get any grief for your 'love noises'/'nut box' gag last week?

Joe: We've never got any grief for any of our jokes on 6Music. But it's only a matter of time before we get thrown off the station for saying something appalling.

How come you guys manage to wangle so many holidays from your 6Music show?

Adam: We took all our holidays in one chunk. Now we're being forced to live there.

Does Garth sound like Joe or Joe like Garth?

Adam: I don't get that they sound alike.

Joe: We both sound like Judith Chalmers.

Although you have (easily) the best podcast out there, you are still beaten by Chris Moyles? How does that make you feel?

Adam: It makes us feel sexy.

Which Top Gear presenter's head would you most like to put in a magimix?

Adam: Can we not fit all three in?

if you fancy writing a CD worth of formula songs I can happily suggest many others that would have benefited from your sense of fun.

Joe: We're very proud that our song, Roscoe H Spellgood, has had such a positive impact on young minds. Keep them away from all of our other songs, which will undo all that good work and turn them into dribbling idiots.

Are you still planning on putting out a secondary podcast featuring (ahem!...) blue material?

Adam: We didn't want to oversaturate the podcast market. We still wish we could put more extra stuff in our BBC podcast, but we're not allowed.

Joe: We could just issue a CD of solid swearing, that you could play alongside our existing tracks.

Adam - after having had a break away from TV how difficult was it for you to get re-established again? Were the TV execs eager to take up your pilot idea because of your previous celebrity, or was it like starting at the bottom of the ladder again?

Adam: I'm glad you think I've become re-established. I live at the bottom of the ladder; it's the only place to be, because the only way is up.

Can either of you give me some money? There's a few things I'd like to buy and I quite fancy a holiday so if you both chipped in - say £500 each - I could have a pretty good summer.

Joe: Yes, but you have to do things in return. Send us a nude photo of yourself and we'll take it from there. Actually, don't do this.

Do you both realise that you would be ten times better if only you wouldn't keep doing those silly baby voices?

Joe: Do you realise that you would be 10 times better if you didn't leave comments like that on web forums.

Adam: Otherwise, your comments are fantastic.

I don't have an original or excitingly witty question for you I'm afraid, just wanted to say how brilliant I think you are and I hope Joe is much better now.

Adam: You've picked us up after our slump just then.

On a scale of 1-10, how much do you dislike the Lamarr?

Adam: He's nice, I like him. He smiled at me at a comedy show the other day and I felt ashamed for being rude about him on my blog.

was wondering if you ever recieved the post that a friend and I sent you about 10 years ago... it consisted of a letter written on an inner LP sleeve and a 'don't let your dog mess here' sticker

Adam: Didn't get that one, sorry.

The word Shingles is derived from the Latin cingulus, meaning girdle, as it often affects specific bands of skin, or dermotomes. Are you feeling any better Joe?

Joe: I'm not telling you, because I'm not your favourite.

descredio! allortisum a ge wy? sentiuo henrey lenny alertio a ge los? lor! lor! lor! compartes fruce gy wy? lor!

Joe: It's difficult to answer a question you don't understand.

Adam: ao;suhfi qweryg idsurq,m awori ofdop fuf fuf fuf!!! It's great to meet someone who's finally on our level.

Please can you say "hello, i'm Adam" and "hello, i'm Joe" at some stage in your 6Music show.

Joe: We do introduce ourselves at the beginning of every show. If you can't wake up at 9 in the morning on a Saturday, then we can't help you, sorry.

Did you ever fight for the pancake at school?

Adam: We were too busy playing sticky biscuit.

My daughter - aged 3 - was introduced to the concept of binge drinking via your radio show when you sang your famous international smash hit 'Bums and Binge Drinking'. She still sings it to this day. What kind of example do you think you're setting for the little ones you wanton pop tarts? I'd also like to ask: war - huh - what is it good for?

Adam: She's our target audience, so good to hear the message is getting through.

War is good for keeping satirical comedy alive.

Joe: That's a silly thing to say. War is good for the munitions industry, therefore the global economy. It's a horrible truth, but there it is.

Adam: That's a much sillier thing to say than what I said.

this got people talking, so, if you have an opinion, what is the best Bob Dylan song?

Adam: Mama, You've Been On My Mind.

Joe: Anything from the soundtrack of Hearts of Fire, where he's singing with Rupert Everett.

Can you do something about George Lamb?

Adam: Let's all have a group hug.

That's all, folks. Thanks for your time. Don't forget to buy Adam & Joe's SongWars album.