This much I know: Dave Gahan, singer, 45, London

When I died, there was only darkness. In the two minutes my heart stopped [after a 1996 heroin/cocaine overdose], this humungous voice inside of me went: 'This is wrong.' Like I don't get to choose when this is over. It scared the shit out of me.

Being 45 means it's no longer a matter of trying to be right. It's a matter of doing what you can.

Depeche Mode have never got over their teenage awkwardness with each other. We're still like that. Mates but not mates. That awkwardness is there, only now we have families and kids.

All the big fights with my wife start with the dishwasher. It shows you how it's supposed to be loaded: knives and forks go pointed-end downwards. You get more in if you put everything where it's supposed to go. If Jen goes out of the room and I get the chance before it goes on, I will fiddle with it.

You're only going to get surface with me. It takes me ages to warm up to people.

Depeche Mode haven't done a bad song. There's loads. We've done stuff I think is really shit.

We used to look pretty gay. It wasn't so much the miniskirt over the leather pants with boots - that had a punky thing about it. But when Martin [Gore, guitarist/songwriter] wore the full-length maxi with the cowboy hat - that was beyond gay.

I'm excited about all the things I've been clueless about for so many years: showing up for my kids, being a better husband, listening to my wife.

With sex, the more you give, the better you get. You've got to take some time. It gets better as you get older. The more comfortable you become with yourself, the better you can perform in bed.

David Bowie was right: smoking's the hardest vice to kick. I think if I smoke cigarillos then it's not like cigarettes. Somehow that seems OK.

Most men look dreadful in a suit. You can't buy off the peg - you've got to have it at least partially designed for your body. I'm very comfortable in one. It feels like I'm showing up for work.

It's easy to fall into rock-star cliches. My hotel check-in name used to be Mr BL Zebub. In America, staff were, like: 'Good morning, Mr Zebub.' But in Poland or Russia the person bringing you room service is often a super-fan. They're calling you this weird name, but they know that you know that they know.

My wife compliments me all the time. But I choose not to hear her. It's easier to feel I'm not doing something right.

I didn't have a Prince Albert. I had a piercing called the guiche. The part a guy has between his arsehole and his balls, right through there. A big ring. They tell you it's going to hurt. It's like someone kicking you in the balls as hard as you can imagine.

There isn't an amount of money you could offer me to do reality TV. I would rather get my job back on the building site. Or I could own a construction business. Maybe I could retire to my house in Long Island and take up painting, like Captain Beefheart. A crazy recluse: I like that idea.

I often find myself on my knees praying to something or someone to not be in control.

Bondage wasn't for me. I spent time during my years in Los Angeles at fetish clubs. I'm all for trying things. But when you've taken it to a certain level and you're in some basement tied to an easel, it's very hard to get back to any kind of normal intimacy.

I wake up in a terrible funk. In the past, I automatically assumed I wasn't going to be able to deal with whatever was presented to me that day. Now going to the gym or walking outside can cheer me up. Ten years ago that would have seemed impossible.

· Dave Gahan's new LP Hourglass is out now on Mute